Yes, friends, your beloved election girlfriend and California GOP candidate for U.S. Senate Orly Taitz has finally found the time don a suit of medieval armor, sit down with a tank of nitrous oxide pilfered from the dental office supply closet along with one hundred cigarettes and then take alternating puffs on each until she came up with her very own campaign video. You must now watch it. READ MORE »
Now look here, whiners. The tearful consternation over the United States executive branch’s special new indefinite detention superpowers over any human Earthling including its own citizens that it can pin down long enough to slap a “TERRORIST” sticker on his forehead and haul him away at its very own special Pope-caliber hyper-infallible discretion — it’s very touching, but House Armed Services Chairman Rep. Buck McKeon and his merry band of Bush administration demons have put out a scary letter to remind you that due process is a “reward,” not a right as you might have believed, in error. READ MORE »
Americans Elect, the organization that tried to get America to nominate a centrist third-party candidate using the futuristic World Wide Web, has basically admitted defeat. Yes, in America, an idiot can become president, but a well-meaning yet mysterious group of people who took the time to actually get on the ballot in 27 states cannot make a website that actually works. Via Politico, the Americans Elect organizers said Tuesday that, basically, Americans are very interested in nominating a third-party candidate, yet when we say Americans we really mean the 18,000 or so Americans who were able to use our website without wanting to stab themselves in the eye. “There is…an almost universal desire,” said Kahlil Byrd in a statement that appears on the website, “among delegates, leadership and millions of Americans who have supported AE to see a credible candidate emerge from this process.” “Millions,” that is optimistic. Anyway, it looks like there is technically a “leader” in all this, and his name is………………Ron Paul. Jon Huntsman is in second place with a whopping 3,834 votes, followed by Bernie Sanders and in fourth place, BARACK OBAMA. READ MORE »
Yeah, we were there for “LAME DUCK ’10.” Time of our lives, man, time of our lives. The gays got their military, the U.S. and Russia decided not to nuke each other for another few years, some nutrition or FDA dongle was passed — it was a lot of congressional activity! (Also too, there was that gross tax cut deal, but nevermind that.) What mediocre mixture will we get out of this year’s lame-duck session? How about long overdue ANNIHILATION OF THE REPUBLIC! Because they’re planning on doing the Bush tax cuts and the debt ceiling, then. And let’s not forget some solution to the previous debt ceiling deal’s major cuts to everything, forever, that are already in the pipeline lest a compromise can be found. Can Congress please just admit that it’s not capable of solving all (or any) of this in the lame duck and hand it off to Hitler already, like the Germans did in the 30s? At least that guy could make decisions. READ MORE »
Your Wonkette has been kept awake at night, dear readers, upon learning that national treasures like official mayor-of-all-things 9/11 Rudolph Guiliani, former attorney general Michael Mukasey, former intelligence official Michael V. Haydn, and a bunch of very important K-street lobbying firms were under investigation due to their advocacy for the terrorist group Mujahedeen Khalq (or MEK). Luckily, however, the federal investigation of MEK bypassed K-street lobbyists in March and now, rather than indict anyone for materially supporting terror, the state department appears ready to do the Right Thing and take the MeK off the list of terrorist groups. READ MORE »
While America’s been focusing this week on incredibly important issues like Rush Limbaugh’s induction into the Missouri Hall of Flame, Obama’s no-shi moment, how Obama’s gayness will be the end of him and how undercover bathhouse boy will save us from the gayz, and how gas prices are all Obama’s fault but not really but yes they are… we’ve been bizzy too, over here in Yore-up.
Greek political parties failed to agree (for the fourth time) on a coalition government and announced they’re heading for yet another general election. Even this weekend’s coalition talks were close to impossible, because Alexis Tsipras (who is freaking handsome and should just win, OK?), the leader of the the Radical Left Coalition, Syriza, refused to sit at the same table with the neo-Nazi “Golden Dawn” party. READ MORE »
At last, the only endorsement that matters: George W. Bush supports… Obama, again?… no, the other one, Willard McScalp-o-tron. It must have been the tales of privileged schoolboy terorrizing that ultimately won over Bush’s heart. Gotta make’m earn it, the Bushes like to say. Anyway, Romney better get started moving into the White House right now, because this endorsement hands him the election. Where’d they hold the presser, anyway? Classic “gay weekend at the ranch” type thing? Close. It was more like Bush just hollered something half-assed through closing elevator doors. READ MORE »
Oopsie. What has gross slug and former Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour done to subvert justice this time? Oh, basically a reverse-cowgirl of the time Michael Dukakis furloughed Willie Horton, but this time by pardoning a drunk driver for his third offense while he was in jail for killing a girl during his fourth.
[After his three previous DUIs,] on October 7, [Harry] Bostick was driving under the influence again, according to the Mississippi Highway Patrol. Charity Smith attempted to pull out onto a highway just outside Tupelo when Bostick’s truck slammed into the side of her car, the patrol says.
Smith was killed, and her older sister suffered serious injuries. Bostick was jailed for violating his probation from his previous DUI cases. [...]
When he received the pardon in January [for his third offense], the convicted DUI felon still sat in an Oxford, Mississippi, jail cell, awaiting formal charges for the arrest tied to that case.
Did you hear that California — the Golden Dream by the Sea — is having a wee little problem with its economy? What happened was a million years ago some proto-Grover Norquists made it impossible to ever raise taxes in the state, both by requiring a two-thirds supermajority in the Lege and by mandating that property taxes could never go up ever. Then, on top of that, Arnold Schwarzenegger took a ballpeen hammer to a car to symbolize SMASHing the Vehicle License Fee, and whoops! The very next year, California was in the red by … the exact same amount it had foregone in Vehicle License Fees! But everybody got $134 back to go spend at Wal-Mart, so good trade! This has been a problem for California, because it is no longer able to pay for things like world-class educational systems that used to draw people to it, but obviously, all current and historic budget shortfalls are Jerry Brown’s fault because he used to be a hippie, and did you know also Al Gore invented the Internet? Haw haw haw.
Anyhoo, now Jerry Brown has announced additional cuts to education and services (he has been pretty Austere already) and also plumped for an infinitesimal rise in the sales tax, and three percent more in income taxes for Facebook founders. How did he do this? In a YOUTUBE. And that makes him just like Evita Peron. Don’t cry for him, Sacramento, etc.
Here is Dana Perino, blahing about it on Fox News: READ MORE »
Mississippi Rep. Lester “Bubba” Carpenter is so happy with the “progress” that ensued when Governor Phil Bryant passed a law to ensure that Mississippi abortion providing doctors have admitting privileges at hospitals (shortly after signing the bill into law, Bryant announced that the Democrats’ “one mission in life is to abort children”). To Bubba, this is an example of a sneaky and effective way that states can get rid of legal abortion without having to overturn Roe v. Wade! NO ONE WILL EVEN NOTICE. And the ladies can still get abortions at home using hangers and things, it will be great. Speaking in Alcorn County last week, Carpenter told the supportive crowd, “[L]iterally, we stopped abortion in the state of Mississippi, legally, without having to– Roe vs. Wade. So we’ve done that. I was proud of it. The governor signed it into law. And of course, there you have the other side. They’re like, ‘Well, the poor pitiful women that can’t afford to go out of state are just going to start doing them at home with a coat hanger.’ That’s what we’ve heard over and over and over. But hey, you have to have moral values.” BUT HEY! READ MORE »
We thought it was pretty special last week when Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty killed a civil union bill dead by fleeing the chamber and never coming back. But the goddamn zombie civil union bill ROSE FROM THE DEAD when the stupid governor ordered the Lege into a special session to vote on it and other important things that got hung up by McNulty’s clever plan of running away so no one could vote. So what has he done to finally drive a stake through the heart of these icky legal protections for homosexual families? Well, he decreed that the session would only last three days, and that bill, which had passed through three committees already? Well, we’d best see what objections the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs might have to people visiting their dying same-sex partners in the hospital! READ MORE »
Hey, fun exercise: imagine nine people getting together to talk about tiny little gadgets that were invented specifically to cause agonizing pain, and figure out the parameters of who is allowed to use them on you, and in what context? Sounds awesome, right? Now, what if one of these nine people were, say, Antonin Scalia, and the arguments gave him the opportunity to use the phrase “useful pain technique,” probably while laughing uproariously? EVEN BETTER, right? This is happening, right now, as the Supreme Court considers the case of three cops who tased a seven-months-pregnant lady over a traffic ticket, while her horrified son watched!
James O’Keefe has a new video, you guys, and it is super-exciting because it shows how those horrible Ivy Tower LIEBERALS at the University of North Carolina didn’t fink on a “Democrat-friendly election fraud scheme” of a kid voting for both Romney and Gingrich! Huh? What it says, dudes.
The first part of the video is about foreign-born people registering to vote but then getting out of jury duty by saying they weren’t citizens. Are they? It is impossible to tell (unless James O’Keefe actually wanted to go dig through microfilm, and that is not something an investigative journalist does)! Anyway, here is the more befuddling part of the befuddling video: GOP kids bragging about double-voting GOP, which is obviously Democrat election fraud, DUH. READ MORE »
Did the commonwealth of Virginia kill the judicial nomination of Tracy Thorne-Begland because he was gay? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! No, it is just because as a gay naval officer he was outspoken against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell! And also because he acts like he is married … to a man!
“He holds himself out as being married,” said Del. Robert G. Marshall (R-Prince William), who is running for U.S. Senate. Noting that gay marriage is not legal in Virginia, he said that Thorne-Begland’s “life is a contradiction to the requirement of submission to the constitution.”
Robert G. Marshall rests his case! READ MORE »
You know what the difference is between America’s elite, the 1 percenters and the fast-rising politicians, and slobs like you? Planning. Like, you, for instance, have no plans for the day, and are trying to relieve the ennui by reading a blog about dick jokes and politics, and maybe later you’ll try masturbating or something, and then after that you’ll probably cry spontaneously, in public, which will be embarrassing, because you didn’t plan some solitary cry-time. But John Edwards! John Edwards had it all planned out! First he was going to be president, then vice president, then president again — we all knew that! But fun under-oath testimony this week revealed that then he planned to be vice president again, and when that didn’t work out, decided he’d be Attorney General for a bit and then move on over to the Supreme Court, where he’d have a cool job for life. And it all would have worked if his crazy slut of a mistress had only planned to not have his child! (Oh, he also called his mistress a “crazy slut,” by the way).
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (912)
Liz Colville (166)
Jim Newell (5622)
Kris E. Benson (6)
Lisa Wines (14)
Rebecca Schoenkopf (370)
Josh Fruhlinger (641)
Kaia Mursi (78)
John Schoenkopf (5)
Blair Burke (180)
