In Case You Missed it

Your Wonkette Week In Review: Good Stuff You Should Have Read But Didn’t. What’s Wrong With You?

We live in an age of diminished comics
It’s the week-end, and time for all of us to rest from our labours (in theory, at least) and devote our time to pursuing leisure, sport and recreation, huzzah! Or at least catch up on the Wonkette stories you may have missed during the week. And to help, here are the ten best, at least as ...
  The perfect Halloween treat

These Candy Corn Jell-o Shots Will Feed Your Sweet Tooth, With Booze

We are eating Candy Corn Jell-O Shots for Halloween. Coconut, orange, and pineapple gelatin with vodka — party in the test kitchen! The best part about this recipe is that is doesn’t taste like a Candy Corn at all. Remember nibbling off the white tip, biting into orange, and feeling ...
  Bikini Kill

Stupid Swimsuit Model Does Not Respect The Gun, Should Probably Die

Over a Barrel
On Wednesday, you may recall, there was some gunplay in Canada, which was terrible and wrong because the shooting was done by a bad guy with a gun, who was then stopped by a good guy — actually a pretty awesome guy – with a gun. And people wrote all kinds of things about it on the ...
  sloshing towards bethlehem

Peggy Noonan Writes Column, Eats Horse Tranquilizers (Not In That Order)

A
The bleating of sirens drifted up to her pied-a-terre high above the Manhattan streets, leaking through the duct tape she had used to seal all her windows. Oh sure, one heard sirens in New York all the time, but this was now the Age of Ebola and the wails took on a certain…ominousness, as if ...
  also being gay is like two bulls boning

Congressman Don Young Being A Colossal Jerk In Alaska, Again

Inuit burn
Hey Alaska’s real-life Congressman Don Young, what can you tell kids these days about suicide? It’s their fault because they are bad friends, and also the government handouts are doing it too? Yeah, pretty much. An unapologetic U.S. Rep. Don Young on Wednesday wasn’t backing down ...
  Army Vets Already Know All About Green

Nice Time: Barack Obama Will Get Vets Jobs And Stop Global Warming All At Once

The One shines His Glorious Light Upon Our Valiant Troops
Just to remind people that he is in fact a hippie greenie liberal who likes to stimulate the economy whether the economy is in the mood or not, Barack Obama is moving forward with a program to train 50,000 veterans for solar energy jobs. This is some kind of liberal wet dream, combining a ...
  Protip: Miami University Is Nowhere Near The Beach

George Will Discovers New Rape Category

Lucky duckies
George Will advanced the frontiers of Republican classifications of rape during a Wednesday appearance at Miami University, finding a whole new kind of rape that can be added to Legitimate Rape, God Gave You the Precious Gift of a Baby Rape, and Forcible Rape. Deftly sidestepping all the ...
  bumfight

Sarah Palin So Ashamed Of, ‘Humiliated By,’ Drunken Brawlin’ Bristol

Klassy as fuck
For the first time ever, not including the other time a month ago, Sarah Palin finally speaks on the humiliating drunken #PalinBrawl, in which her drunk-and-barefoot klan of klassy kids who are klassy showed just how klassy they can be. And Sarah, poor dear, is humiliationated! What happened on ...
  I've Gotta Get A Massage To You

Louie Gohmert: Why Is Obama Forcing Troops To Gay Massage Each Other?

Would you believe it's a towel ad from 1944?
Texas congressmollusk Louie Gohmert, that irrepressible imp, has been giving a lot of thought to Our Troops and how Barack Obama is trying to kill them all by making them fight the Ebolese Liberation Army. On some strange Christian radio talk show this week, Gohmert was crying about the lack of ...
  Ballots Over Broadway

Arizona GOP Will Murder All Early Voting, Unless It Is With Mitt Romney

Won't someone speak out against this sort of thing?
A couple days ago, we brought you the story of a completely fabricated wingnut outrage over a Latino man supposedly “caught” on video as he “stuffed a ballot box” in Arizona’s August primary. Except he wasn’t frauding anything at all. The man, Ben Marin (not ...
  cool story bro

Pennsylvania School Board President Sorry If You Were Offended By His Hilariously Racist Videos

Brad Rigler
We do not know much about what a school board president or member in Pennsylvania does, but there are two things we can say for sure you should not do if you hold one of those positions. One, don’t be a screeching gun nut who proudly uses pictures of Nancy Pelosi for target practice. And two, ...
  Ballot Battle 2014

James O’Keefe Looks For Voter Fraud In Colorado, Finds Nothing. Again.

Ever since we heard the news that James O’Keefe had launched a voter fraud scavenger hunt in Colorado, we’ve been eagerly waiting, as we’re sure you have, Wonketteers, for his latest video to drop. Now that we’ve had a chance to see the highlight reel of ...
  Here have some news n stuff

One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now

Thanks Obama
That screaming hysteria you hear is the sound of everyone in New York being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! or at least making jokes about being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! because Ebola is real now. (You know the rule: It’s real when it happens in New York. The rest is prologue.) A doctor in New York ...
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by ...
  South Carolina’s a hell of a drug

Gov. Nikki Haley Wants To Arm All The Lady-Beaters, For The Constitution

That's just how freedom works, too bad
Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina runs a hell of a state. It’s the kind of state where Stand Your Ground laws don’t apply to victims of domestic violence — because that would be ridiculous! — and it’s still A-OK to let your Confederate freak flag fly because the ...
  No SS For The SS

Senate Dems To Old Nazis: No Social Security For You!

Metaphorical Nazis need not worry
This seems like a probably good idea: Sens. Chuck Schumer and Bob Casey plan to introduce legislation that would cut off Social Security benefits for accused Nazi war criminals. We weren’t actually aware that was a problem, but it turns out that “dozens” of former SS guards ...
  The Five People You Meet In Heaven Are Queer As Folk

Steve King: Dogs May Go To Heaven, Gays Not So Much

The Afterlife Decider
Iowa Congresscantaloupe Steve King has some thoughts on The Gheys, as well as on where you will find them in the afterlife and where you won’t. Sadly, according to King, the odds of Heaven having any really good discotheques are pretty slim, so people who have lived lives of great ...
  Climate Of Distrust

Texas Texbooks Gonna Jesus Away All The Global Warming

Actual image from a fundie website
We told you a while back about some of the fun distortions of American history that have made it into textbooks written to Texas’s terrible history standards, but history isn’t the only subject that goes off into rightwing fantasyland in Texas textbooks. The Washington Post brings ...
  if the manicure's not split you must acquit

Bristol Palin: Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or This Police Audio And These Police Reports?

We have had some fun the past month or so with the Great Palin Mixed-Martial-Arts Demolition Derby Fisticuffs And Book Club High Tea. Well, says Bristol Palin, bruiser, that is simply unfair! You know Bristol is very very serious in her masterpiece, “The Truth about the ‘Palin ...
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Explains The Shootings In Ottawa So We Don’t Have To (Video)

Wednesday, a guy with a rifle, Michael Zehaf-Bibeau, went on his own one-man jihad in Ottawa, killing a soldier at the national war memorial and then going into the Parliament building, where he was shot by security before he could harm anyone else; this was the second attack on Canadian ...