Arguably the worst person permitted to make laws on behalf of America, Tennessee State Senator Stacey Campfield, author of the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, recently took part in an interview on Sirius in which he not only defended his already nightmarish views on homosexuality and AIDS, but pushed his insane agenda even farther, twisting the knife all the way through the chest of America and then pulling it out the other side. And then pushing it back through to create a nice big hole, putting his arm through, waving, making an obscene gesture, etc. Campfield, who evidently grows wild carnivorous rose bushes in his office and has blocked access to every site on the Internet that is not (gay) porn, first of all reminds Sirius OutQ’s “The Gist” show host Michelangelo Signorile that AIDS is all the fault of one monkey-loving airline pilot. It gets wooo-orse.READ MORE »
Internet mean girl Sarah Palin is forgoing her usual illiterate tweeting in order to defend, on teevee, Newt Gingrich, a multimedia huckster who may or may not have illegally promised Palin a cabinet position in his fantasy moon presidency. The former governor must have really pissed someone off at Fox because she’s been relegated to commentating on some closed-circuit feed called Fox Business News, where she told John Stossel that the establishment (BOO!) is “trying to crucify this man and rewrite history and rewrite what it is that he has stood for all these years.” Never change, Sarah. Never change! READ MORE »
Mitt Romney, who was slightly more humanoid in 1994 than he is today, also thought blind trusts, of which he has one, and which he passionately defended during Thursday night’s Jacksonville debate, were terrible, devious things. How exactly did he put it? Oh yes, a blind trust is an “age-old ruse.”READ MORE »
What had we gone, a whole week or so without a news story about a public official cracking jokes online about murdering Barack Obama? That’s kind of a long time! Don’t “worry,” however, Mexico still does not want Arizona back, so we will never go too long without one of these kinds of things while a black guy is president: the Secret Service is investigating Sgt. Pat Shearer, a Peoria, Arizona police officer, after he posted a Facebook picture of a group of assault rifle-wielding teenagers holding up a bullet-riddled t-shirt with Barack Obama’s face on it during one of their Future Gas Station Attendants of America meetings. Shearer has taken the photo down, but come on, he just wants to know, what is everyone’s problem? Since when did everyone start taking assassination so seriously? READ MORE »
Republican Representative Larry Pittman of Cabarrus County, NC thinks, sort of like Newt Gingrich did back in the ’90s, that capital punishment is the only way to scare people like “abortionists, rapists and kidnappers” (what, no murderers?) into being better citizens (and more conservative). But Pittman goes a step further than Newt: he thinks we should bring back public hanging. It’s the only way, etc. Well, about every 36 seconds a Republican calls for the return of some barbaric practice or another, so big deal. But Pittman had a funny way of expressing his views: not boldly or proudly, in front of his fellow lawmakers or at the very least, atop a milk crate in some park, but in an e-mail that he accidentally sent to every member of the General Assembly of North Carolina. Ah, well. READ MORE »
NEW YORK—Hey look! It’s that time of year again, and the semi-annual release of some or another study claiming that conservatives are stupid has finally landed on liberal doorsteps across America. Perfect timing, really! Since, you know, the one thing the country needs right now more than just about anything else is yet another excuse to avoid the hard work of looking at those we disagree with as equal partners in a national conversation, people who we must engage with and convince—and, oh, maybe as a result challenge ourselves to check our work and, you know, make better arguments! But hey, now we can all let ourselves off the hook and just deride them as all a bunch of idiots who aren’t even worth talking to in the first place. Thank you, science! Yes, this is quite obviously how we will move forward together as a nation. (It was the dramatic improvement in the quality of the national discourse evidenced after the last two dozen times a study like this was published that gives us so much faith.) READ MORE »
Welcome to the last GOP presidential debate of …eh, “tonight” is about all we can say for certain these days. UGH. Here’s a preview: Newt Gingrich will sneer at some minority and the audience will gnaw its fingers off with excitement, Mitt Romney will be asked to compare and contrast the feeling of wiping his ass with a fifty versus a hundred dollar bill, Rick Santorum will suckle his microphone, and oh yeah, probably Ron Paul will also be there as well to say, WARS ARE BAD, bless him. Here’s the video stream for those of you who are still sober enough to operate the keys on your computer, aren’t you the responsible ones. HERE WE GO! READ MORE »
Here’s a wacky fun-time ritual thing the Mormons do that you may or may not have heard about: they love to baptize dead people and thus declare them members of their magic moon faith, mostly so that the Mormons can claim a 7 billion person membership similar to the way that those McDonald’s signs claim “50 billion anusburgers served since 1940″ to reassure you that it’s, like, really popular. This has, throughout history, not always pleased the relatives of the dead people who were baptized — say for instance, the relatives of Jewish Holocaust victims who found their family members’ names among those who had been posthumously converted to Mormonism. And so hey, know where there are lots of Jewish people these days? Florida. What’s happening in Florida next week? A Republican presidential primary. Who’s leading the polls in that primary right now? A Mormon. Has Mormon Mitt Romney been secretly baptizing Holocaust victims in his spare time? READ MORE »
Mark Oxner, a Republican running for Congress in Florida’s brand new 27th district, which will include parts of Orlando, just released this ad, which he promises to be the first of many. It depicts President Obama as a pirate who enslaves children to row his ship to its demise over a waterfall. Former Florida Representative and generally not-to-be-out-sassed Democrat Alan Grayson, who’s running again this year after losing his seat in 2010, plays the role of Obama’s parrot. “I just love this ship,” says some delusional Obama supporter as the boat makes its way to the edge of life and Oxner’s brilliant videographer Vernon Furniss fades out the sinister circus music and fades in some hotel lounge piano jazz, just because. THERE IS EVEN A WE-SLEEP-IN-SEPARATE-BATHTUBS CIALIS AD REFERENCE. READ MORE »
Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and Viagra sex crimes with hookers ended his time in the House of Representatives. Since then, he has toured various prisons and is now locked up in the federal penitentiary outside Tucson, where he offered Newt Gingrich a very special endorsement. READ MORE »
Anthony Albanese, the transport minister of Australia’s leading Labor Party, recently went on the offensive in a speech targeted at the country’s opposition party leader Tony Abbott, and for inspiration, looked to the B movie The American President written by our beloved cinematic fabulist Aaron Sorkin and starring Michael Douglas. By which we mean, he essentially lifted lines from President Douglas more or less verbatim! READ MORE »
Comedy chuckwagon Newt Gingrich got a ton of mileage out of his cranky and peevish take-down of CNN’s John King, and by extension the whole of the liberal media empire. (And for Gingrich’s gross vehicle weight rating, tons of mileage don’t come cheap!) You will recall that ABC was scheduled to air an interview with one of Newt’s former wives almost immediately following last Thursday’s debate in South Carolina and that King decided to open the debate with a question about ex-wife Marianne Gingrich’s allegations that Newt had pressed her for an open marriage. Graduate-level reprobate Newt naturally and easily lobbed this softball out of the park in part with an angry claim that his campaign provided family friends who could testify the story was false but that ABC had rebuked the offers. This claim, it seems, was just a fall-back to one of Newt’s most trusted rhetorical techniques: Flat-Out Lying.READ MORE »
Palin Defends ‘Angry Little Muffin’ Newt Against Right-Wing Conspiracy
by Kaia Mursi