Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition

  the commentczar's in town
I am outraged by the poor quality of the .gifs on this blog!
Happy Labor Day, workers of the world! While you and your grillables marinate in anticipation of the big holiday Bar-B-Q/bonfire, we bring you these offerings from the comments queue. Just be careful not to leave them out too long — like mayonnaise, they go bad in the sun. First up, since ...

McDonnell Grift Trial, Week Five: Maureen Goes Gaga

  the beginning of the end
smilin bob
  Prosecutors and defense attorneys ended the fifth week of the federal corruption trial of Bob and Maureen McDonnell with their closing statements and, as a reward for not vomiting or bursting into tears at being reminded of it all, the long-suffering jury was given a reprieve in the form ...

It’s Labor Day (In Case You Didn’t Know) And Other News You Can Maybe Use

  Your morning cup of wut?
If it's Sunday ... it's probably still going to suck
Everyone enjoy having the day off, except for those of you who don’t have the day off. Also, enjoy some news. Now that NBC has gotten rid of that old host of “Meet the Press” — David something? Who can remember? — the whole gang is real excited about Chuck Todd. ...

At The New York Times, A Slow News Day

  Sunday Bloody New York Times Sunday
Fred Stein, 'Children reading newspaper' 1936
Things have quieted down in Ferguson and we have a holiday weekend, so the New York Times is full of analysis-type stuff today. There’s a pretty good piece on Democrats’ attempts to mobilize African-American voters who are outraged over Michael Brown’s shooting (and another ...

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reveals The True Meaning of Labor Day

  We Watch So You Don't Have To
Or quit halfway through
When Sarah Palin announced her new online channel, Wonkette commenter Fartknocker ponied up the coin to buy us a year-long subscription, plus a couple beers for our troubles. This week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, features Sarah getting ...

Wonkette Stumbles Into Molly Ivins’ Birthday Party, A Day Late And Wasted

  Dance With Them What Brung You
62 years of raising hell
We’ll get your Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday written real soon here, but first, let’s note that yesterday, August 30, would have been Molly Ivins’s 70th birthday. In our book, the only proof you need that there is no justice in the universe is the simple fact that we lost Gilda ...

Hundreds of Patriots, Cleverly Disguised As Tourists, Rally For Impeachment At White House

  Are you sure they said today?
At noon on Saturday, the Real Americans of the greater Washington, DC metropolitan area were set to celebrate National Impeach Obama Week by meeting at the White House to call for the immediate impeachment of Kenyan Usurper President Barry Soetoro. The Wonket Washington Bureau readied full team ...

Your Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Should Have Read While You Were ‘Working’

  In Case You Missed it
Also, there are some kickass coupons for Sofas & Quills
We realize that some of you don’t spend every moment of every day clicking on our little mommyblog (what is WRONG with you?). So in our continuous quest to be Moar Servicey, we bring you this weekly roundup our very best pieces, as determined by the number of times they were shared on the ...

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

  Shell Shocker
Oh this guy, what a joker
Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose and wait for Rand Paul to snap him up for 2016. It might be a long ...

It’s A Texas Abortion Party, Who Could Ask For More?

  The Texas Choice Law Massacre
Or is this for a hysterectomy party?
Excellent news, for a while at least, maybe: A federal judge has overturned part of Texas’s terrible abortion law, House Bill 2, which means that the state’s remaining clinics can stay open. The new restrictions, which would have gone into effect Monday, required clinics performing ...

Wingnuts Pretty Sure ISIS Gonna Storm Texas Any Minute Now

  The Texas Choice Law Massacre
And when little Alejandro took off his mask...
The WingnuttoSphere is buzzing today with news that ISIS is planning an “imminent attack” at the U.S-Mexico border any day now!!!Exclamationpoint!! The alleged intelligence report comes from rightwing bullshit spigot “Judicial Watch”, which claims: Islamic terrorist ...

Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!

  bring the family
  ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FREEDOM! We assume we’ll be seeing all of you Real Americans Saturday at noon. What’s that? You have plans to spend your Labor Day weekend eating warm potato salad by the lake, maybe burning some lawn clippings in defiance of local ordinances? To that we ...

Peggy Noonan Goes To Wyoming, Says Words At It

  a city girl goes to the country
Tenderfoot is a city girl, used to canyons of high-rise buildings, not canyons of rock and dirt and running rivers that do not smell like a giant Superfund site. But she is happy to escape the city in August, that dull month when the garbage piles are as high as an elephant’s eye and the heat ...

New Crime To Worry About: Sitting While Black

  Stop Resisting! Stop Resisting!
Even the three-fingered cops of the future are terrifying
In yet another completely isolated incident that has nothing to do with race, another black man has released a video of police going to town on him for being an uncooperative ne’er do well. In this case, the unruly offender is Christopher Lollie of St. Paul, Minnesota, who on Jan. 31 of ...

Florida Man Reports Child’s Lemonade Stand To Authorities. You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next!

  nice time!
Today’s lesson in not being a curmudgeonly dickhead comes to us courtesy of Dunedin, Florida, where 12-year-old T.J. Guerrero, an enterprising lad who runs his own lemonade stand, has won a victory over the forces of darkness that hoped to teach him a lesson about the over-regulated nanny state ...

Kirk Cameron’s War On Christmas Gets Earlier And Earlier Every Year

  Figgy Pudding In August
And keep Sol in Sol Invictus!
Just as America’s scruffy secularists had Christmas tied to the railroad tracks so they could kill it once and for all, Kirk “Banana Man” Cameron is riding to the rescue with a movie called “Saving Christmas,” which will rescue the wildly popular holiday and its ...

Was Michael Brown A Murderer? Well, Have You Proven He Wasn’t?

  It's On The Internet So It Must Be True
Just look at him with the scary gang signs!
Yr Wonkette is always happy to bring you a fine sampling of the thought processes that propel the rightwing crazytrain, and we are pleased to share this latest analysis of why Michael Brown had to be shot. Charles C. Johnson, the wingnut doofus blogger who insists he’s an award-winning ...

Good Lord Chuck Todd Is Bad At Talking To Humans

  good morning america
Chuck Todd is the greatest, most important political journalist of our time. But wouldn’t it be nice to see him display his softer side? The side that is able to talk to humans about real human things like procreation and gestation? Of course it would! NBC is no dummy! And that is why we ...

Sarah Palin Real Mad Obama Ruined Her Summer Vacation

  Such mad many anger so sarcasm
Half-term Gov. Sarah Palin’s ghostwriter has some “thoughts” on how mom-jeans-wearing tyrant Obama wasted Sarah Palin’s summer, and her ghostwriter says she is gosh darned mad about that also! No Drama Obama’s Summer Casual Agenda for America (or What He Didn’t Do On My ...

You Guys, The Bundy Family Is Being Tyrannized Again

  our jackbooted america
You probably didn’t miss Cliven Bundy and his loveable rapscallion family of scamps, but apparently they’ve missed you. Won’t you give them the love and attention they crave, America? What if they found new tyrannies to valiantly defeat, taking a Braveheart stand against the ...

Jon Stewart’s Mind Literally Blown By Rick Perry’s Indictment

No one who smirks in a mugshot could be evil
Jon Stewart isn’t quite sure what to make of this Rick Perry indictment. Is it just the trick of a cruel comedy god to keep satirists from having fun during the 2016 primaries, or is it, like his smirking mug shot, actually going to make Perry look even cooler, as the innocent victim of a ...

Rep. Dr. Mike Kennedy, Esq., Will Protect Utah From Dangerous Hospitals

  he's a doctor honey
dr mike jd aww yeah
People of Utah, did you know you are under threat by monstrous hazards that lurk behind gleaming facades, endangering your very life under the diabolical ruse of helping you avoid death? There could even be one of these hulking terrors right in your own neighborhood.  Fortunately, there is a ...