Another five and a half months, Alan!

Yeah, but Trump likes guy who weren't tortured.

Tomi Lahren is sick and tired of being victimized by black people who won't pretend racism doesn't exist.

What do Crystal Pepsi and the Klan have in common?
A History Of Bad Ideas

A bunch of neo-Nazis is planning to roam the streets outside this summer's Republican National Convention, to "protect" Trump supporters. Can't see why anyone would have a problem with that.

Or should we ask how many they've NOT banged in?

Wonkette Business

Do you know the story of Judith and Holofernes? Judith was a rad Jewish woman, and Holofernes was a ... Roman? general who wanted to rape her. She was like "cool, Holofernes, I will...

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is...
Truck Fump never looked so good

Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the...

Wonkette Bazaar




Former employees at Trump's Mar-A-Lago say Trump was a Grade-A phone creeper. WHOA IF TRUE!
In 20 years, nobody will remember this.

Well OF COURSE the Donald Trump is sending campaign fundraising emails to members of foreign parliaments. Europe is a very classy place, and if you want classy illegal donations, you go to the classiest foreign people.
Would you buy a used car from this PAC?

Look, a post about Bernie Sanders and we are not even punching Bernie Sanders! HOORAY!
She's sassy!

Laura Ingraham can't wait to poop her pants. Don't you want to sit next to her?

The delicate flowers cannot handle the hypothetical judgment of a disembodied voice conducting a phone survey, he says.

We told Dom to ding Hillary's plan where necessary. He gave it a blowjob instead. INTERNS!

Wonkette examines exactly where the three-way handshake between Barack Obama, Justin Trudeau and Enrique Peña Nieto went terribly wrong.
This just might be photoshopped.

The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced an ambitious plan to curb emissions of greenhouse gases, and we're wondering why no conspiracy theories have yet sprung up around it.

You come listen to these songs right now!

The 'Trump Institute' was a totally different con than 'Trump University.' Why does this keep happening to him???

Tony, he's this guy. Sure, you may think he's just some bro asshole douche man who at 31 lives with his parents so he can spend his $130k salary (lol, Canadian) on bottle service...
Whatever. This is just a minor setback

Colorado god-botherer Gordon Klingenschmitt, one of our favorite rightwing loons, lost his primary bid for the state Senate. Whatever will he do now? Probably keep being a hateful douche.

Misty K. Snow MAKES HISTORY as the first major party trans U.S. Senate Candidate. Hooray, Misty!
Jack Nicholson

The Marine Corps will drop the term "man" from a number of job titles. Quite a few manly Marines have gotten surprisingly emotional over this.

Guns don't kill people -- drunk people without guns kill people.

Mr. Never Missed A Meal real sorry he didn't care about your sick kid, you lousy deadbeat taker.

What, you mean the Republicans on the Benghazi committee actually don't speak for the families? You don't say!
The fever will rise again

Democrats aren't too crazy about some of the provisions Republicans threw into the Zika funding bill. Isn't allowing Confederate flags in federal cemeteries an important part of fighting infectious disease?

Could Donald Trump get any punier at this point?